Thursday, April 26, 2012

I think we're just friends

"Your hair looks really red."

I thought about dying it dark again.
It was nearly black a year ago.
But I decided the red was me.
Not a lot still is anymore.

I don't write.
I've sat down and tried dozens of times but nothing ever comes to fruition.
It's like the thoughts are there but the words aren't.
It feels like I'm not a writer anymore and that makes me really sad.

A lot of things aren't anymore.
I performed in a staged reading of a musical and throughout the process realized performing is no longer my passion.
I felt indifferent during rehearsals and realized evenings spent at the theatre were no longer how I wanted my evenings to be spent.

I actually am not really sure how I want to spend my evenings.
I guess that's just something I am trying to figure out.
Maybe that's why I haven't been writing.
Writing was always something I knew.
I guess there's not a whole lot I do know.

I know that relationships are complicated.
Someone told me they don't have to be and the ones that are merely need to end.
I think if my relationships weren't complicated they'd be beige and I'd be bored.
Or maybe I'd just be single and complication free.

It's strange feeling yourself in the middle of a storm.
It's like, you can see the patch of blue sky in the distance but it doesn't change the impact of the rain penetrating your skin.
Eventually the rain subsides but you no longer see the rainbow.
Only grey.
Somewhere within you something stirs and a puddle of water forms in your eyes.
With eyes closed and one long, slow inhale, it evaporates.
You sigh with relief.
Moons fade to suns and everything is as it were.